Margaritas, vino, doggies, and no-pants...

What does one do after drinking 3 margaritas for dinner? Oh, yes, that's right - drive home and drink wine from the bottle while snacking on cheese, pantsless, as the dogs lay on and immobilize your legs… This IS normal, right??

Yeah, right. I'm sure its also normal to be holed up in the room under the stairs while your delinquent teenage cousin rummages through the medicine cabinet in the family room looking for … what? Thyroid medicine? Extra B-Vitamin? Yeah, totally normal. They don't make enough wine and margaritas for this...

It's been a rough day. I can't explicitly put my finger on why, but it's definitely been a common theme of the day that seems to have been felt by everyone I've interacted with. Just one of those days, I guess. One of those days that sets you just slightly akimbo and jades everything you look at with a little bit of bitter unhappiness. No real reason why - things are no worse or better than they were yesterday - but it feels different and everything seems tinged with this frustrating and irritating hue. The home situation feels at a breaking point, the commute seems so much worse than normal, work feels more stressful, tasks are more burdensome and numbersome, the boy feels so distant and pointless, the house seems out of reach, and I have a nagging sense of inadequacy pulling at me from the side.

I know I am not perfect. I'm nowhere close. In fact, I'm a mess. But I'm striving towards a better me. And I know that I have the power within me to manifest the destiny I desire. But days like this make me feel like it might be all a waste of time and perhaps drinking myself into numbness without pants on would be the best option…

Is it just me or is it weird that people I've known for years don't know how to pronounce my last name? Is it weird that I'm content with being an emotional leper and exiling myself behind seemingly insurmountable walls? Is it weird that I can't seem to get my life back together 4 years later? Is it weird that I fluctuate between confidence and despair, sometimes multiple times throughout the day. Is it weird that I believe in my dreams and their power to heal me? And is it weird that I simultaneously doubt my ability to accomplish the things I want to accomplish in my life?

Ugh. I think its time for some water, yoga, and bed… Or maybe just more wine and less clothes? Is it weird that I can't decide which of these options is best? Meh, who cares…