I like you. I’m glad you’re a part
of my life. I’m sorry that I got weird. I am afraid of getting hurt again.
Usually with you I can let go of
this fear; I just go with the flow and enjoy our time together and relax and be
content in the moment.
But occasionally I start to think
too much and I become nervous and anxious and fearful… and I withdraw and close
up and start trying to predict the future or – worse yet – I begin reliving the
past in my mind. The “moment” disappears, taking with it the relaxation and
contentment and that simple sense of ease.
I know that I’m not perfect and
that sometimes I just really need to get out of my own way and let go.
I know that you have nothing to do with - and should not have to endure - the burden of my past hurts and heartbreaks.
I also know that I really enjoy
having you around. You make me smile. You make me happy. Somehow, you inspire
me to be a better “me”.
You’re fun and intriguing, smart
and thoughtful, kind and adorable.
I like waking up next to you. I
like smiling at you from across a crowded room. I like going on adventures and
meeting new people and laughing until the wee hours of the morning with you.
I’m sorry that I sometimes get
stuck in my own head and throw up weird barriers around myself. And I’m sorry
that it sometimes takes me a few days to even realize I’m doing it.
I don’t think you deserve that,
and I hate looking back to see that I was trying to project my fears and
anxieties onto you. I feel silly and embarrassed about it.
I feel a bit silly writing all
this too… But I think it’s worth saying, because I value you in my life.
So I hope you will accept my
apology, and not give up on me just yet… (if for no other reason than I am
already putting together a pretty awesome housewarming gift for you). J
Thank you for all the amazingly
wonderful things you always seem to have to say about me. Thank you for being
easy and comfortable to spend time with. Thank you for being real. And for a
million other things – big and small – thank you, again, and again, and again.
