The things you say...

I like the way you look at me when I am naked. I love that you enjoy my body, and I appreciate when you express your admiration. The little things you say, the spontaneous comments, the look in your eyes when you tell me I'm sexy... I know that I often look away, trying to hide the shy smile that suddenly appears on my face, even though moments before I was utterly without trepidation. In an instant, I waver between myriad different feelings and emotions, not knowing how to respond or what to say. Its as if all my insecurities suddenly jump out of their hiding places to challenge and wrestle with my confidence. I am suddenly at a loss, the world swirling dizzyingly around me, and I don't know why. I want to meet your compliments with grace and appreciation, but I find myself speechless, awkward, and unsure. The moment passes and I regain my composure, but it has been nagging at me that these awkward reactions exist within me. I feel as if my ineptness is doing injustice to you somehow.

Because the truth is that those looks, those kind words, and the feeling in them are magical. They imprint onto my brain - a snapshot of happiness and contentment; a brief moment where nothing else exists and no one else matters, like an island of "right" amidst the chaos of everyday life. They are complete, within themselves, and I am happy. Loving and being loved, with no strings, no past, no future, just the present moment.

The simple point is that I like the way you look at me, I like the things you say, I like the way you touch my body. I like that when I am with you, I am content in the moment, with little to no thought for the past or the future. I like how easy and simple everything seems. And despite my inability to eloquently put it into words, I appreciate you and your appreciation of me. I'm sorry that I often seem to react as an awkwardly shy mute when you tell me that I'm hot... Because what confident me wants to do is meet your gaze, smile, and say thank you.

"music in me" - a work in progress... a long time in the making